Quotes

Jackass Quotes.
"I don't mean to toot my own horn, but, 'beep beep!'"
Dave England
Urban Kayak

"We killed Quack Quack!"
Johnny Knoxville
Duck Hunting

"You know who's the best at this? I am."
Dave England
Ice Block Skating

"I call police on you, Eddie and no-name friend!"
Dimitry
Eddie's Auto

"I feel pretty!"
Johnny Knoxville
Matador

"That's no wee ass, I gotta tell ya!"
Johnny Knoxville
High Dive 2

"Do they carry any communicable diseases?"
"No, they do not."
"Steve-O does"
Johnny Knoxville & Cricket guy
Cricket Helmet

"I was once on a mission, on a cruise I was wishin, that my mom was in the kitchen, eatin chicken, finger lickin."
Brandon DiCamillo
Bran's Voices

"I was just hangin' out back there eatin' a meat pie and next thing you know some guy is freakin' out about nothin."
Bam Margera
BMX Joust

"You look like you have Jimmy Durante's nose in your pants."
Johnny Knoxville
Shark Hugs

"We wanna thank Phil and April for coming out...keepin the scene ALIVE!"
Deron Miller (CKY)
Heavy Metal Alarm Clock 2

"You should get a glass stomach, that way you won't have to worry about pulling your head out of your ass."
Dave England
Cellphone

"And today good sirs I will stick my lance far beyond where the light of our world shines. Deep into the colon of our enemy. Sir Bam-a-lot you will feel a lot of my lance in your ass."
Brandon DiCamillo
BMX Joust

"You look like a bi-curious super hero in that mask."
Johnny Knoxville
Shark Hugs

"You don't matter...in fact, in about 20 seconds you're not even gonna be matter."
Bam Margera
Golf Course

"I don't want him to hit you in the head."
"I don't want him to hit me in the head either."
UF trainer and Ryan Dunn
Ultimate Fighting

"That's the only bush Ehren's been in in months."
Johnny Knoxville
Tandem Biking

"You look like an egg with legs coming out it."
Bam Margera
The King

"I gotta come to term with my sexuality. I gotta know what I'm all about."
Chris Pontius
Spermathon

"Shake that shit...you gotta work it."
Brandon DiCamillo
Cow Suit

"I'm looking at your pants and you have an enormus hard on."
Skunk Car

"It's a clip on"
Preston Lacey
Oklahoma

"My job on this show is to be naked, not kill myself."
Chris Pontius
Tandem Biking

"You smell like hot trash."
Bam Margera
Woodchipper

"Today's victors aren't named Victor at all...it's Ehren and Dave."
Brandon DiCamillo
Human Bowling Ball

"I'm Ryan Dunn and I'm surrounded by morons."
Ryan Dunn
Slingshot Three

"You smell like the inside of an ass!"
Bam Margera
Snake River BMX

"I'm sick of this pooping stuff! I'm gonna get my buttcheeks pierced together!"
SteveO
Butt Piercing

"He broke his tailbone...that's alright, we don't have tails anymore, what's the purpose?"
Ryan Dunn
Bucket Carts

"You had your big moment on the ice? Well, it's payback time! Kicking your ass would be the icing on my cake!"
Bam Margera
Hockey Fight 2

"We're gonna go down these hills in these carts and get hurt...it's ghetto carts, baby!"
Brandon DiCamillo
"Bucket Carts

"He's gonna be annialated!"
Bam Margera
Phil's Chair

"You guys are going to hate me an hour from now."
"We hate you now."
Scott Potasnik and Johnny Knoxville
Jackass Promotional Countdown

"What are you, a jerk?"
April Margera
Phil's Pies

"This is the meter place....this is the enemy!"
Danger Ehren
Meter Fairy

"Baby's cold."
Chris Pontius
Rugby

"Isn't it cold when it comes up? Mine is, like, ice cold."
Dave England
Milk Challenge

"Dude, that is no joke....no joke!"
Rake Yohn
Rolling Stones Cover Shoot

"Fire doesn't burn if you're already dead!"
Chris Pontius
Satan Vs. God

"From my experiments with sexiness, seems like a lo of people are afraid at first, and fear usually equals violence. But eventually I'll win their hearts and instead of fighting they'll want to make love to me."
"Even the men?"
"Yep."
Chris Pontius
Directions

"I'm about over the meat marinade"
Johnny Knoxville
Human BBQ

"I have a full grown, semi-nude man bound with duct tape in my truck and I was trying to get out to the desert to bury him. How do I get to 5 South?"
Johnny Knoxville
Directions

"You're not even Mexican!"
Chris Pontius
Mexican Snowboarding

"I feel like kicking my dad's ass all day today!"
Bam Margera
Dad Beater

"You know John Wayne died with over 63 pounds of impacted feces in his stomach?"
"Why do you think they called him the Duke?"
Colonic Nurse and Johnny Knoxville
Santa Colonic

"That guy right there is the best damn roller skater ever. Maybe even in the whole town."
Chris Pontius
Roller Jump

"I was awash in a sea of poo."
Johnny Knoxville
Poo Cocktail

See that thing up under there in between your legs? Pull that out."
"My PENIS?!?!"
Colonic Nurse and Johnny Knoxville
Santa Colonic

"Hey, is my ass burning?"
Johnny Knoxville
Human Barbeque

"You were about five feet short of a ten feet jump?"
Johnny Knoxville
Roller Jump

"How do you smell?"
"Well, like a damned skunk, how do you think I smell?"
Johnny Knoxville
The Skunk

"You want a free butt mud hug?"
Dave England
Poo Hug

"One day it hit me and I was like fuck, ooh, uh...crap!"
Dave England
Urban Kayak

"Come wash my back!"
Johnny Knoxville
Poo Cocktail

"I'm not into beastiality, but that's a good looking animal."
Chris Pontius
Alligatorama

"Don't tell me to fuck off, say 'jackass!'"
Johnny Knoxville
To a parrot

"I'm about to hit some haggard backwoods crap."
Ryan Dunn
Tree Jumper

"Ho ho holy shit!"
Johnny Knoxville
Santa Colonic

"This isn't that homemade stuff...that love mayonaise?"
Johnny Knoxville
Up in Flames

"I feel like my eyes have gonorreah!!!"
Johnny Knoxville
Self Defense

"You always walk around with your dick standing up?"
Tuxedo guy
Johnny Coxville

"Would that stop any assailant?"
"That would stop a fucking freight train."
Jason and Johnny Knoxville
Self Defense

"That's not Christian!"
Chris Pontius
Satan Versus God

"My garbage will fall out if I get any lower."
Johnny Knoxville
Sumo Wrestling